Dear Dad,
Several times today I was about to call you to wish you Happy Father’s Day, then realized I don’t have the phone number for wherever you are.
I wanted to tell you about the celebration we had yesterday to honor you. The box with your ashes was there the whole time – at the service, the reception in the church hall after the service, and on a table of honor at the celebration later on at Vinny and Sandra’s yard. I felt you there, not in that box, but in your own unique way.
I know you wanted to have a big party before you died, but, well, maybe it was better this way, seeing as you got so tired at the graduation party last summer, that must have frustrated you, always one to unabashedly enjoy a party, but feeling overwhelmed – which was perfectly normal for your 98 years.
I doubt you could have even imagined a party as perfect as the one we celebrated yesterday in your honor. Every time we’ve planned a family event, we always say, “Mom’s in charge of the weather.” Well she outdid herself yesterday! The weather was sunny but not too hot. The rain the day before made everything lush but not soggy. Perfect!
All ten of your children and their families had traveled from all across the country. There were so many bear hugs and exclamations of welcome as each of them arrived. I’m so glad you lived long enough to see the wonderful people your grandchildren are growing up to be and to meet your newest great-grandson. Even in the few months since your passing, he’s changed so much. He is just starting to crawl and walk at the same time! He was the star of the day, actually enjoying being passed between cousins and aunts and uncles.
I’m so happy that your first great-grandson, my grandson, got to see you shortly before you left us, and I’m sure he will never forget you. He reminds me so much of you in his calm demeanor and thoughtfulness. I could just burst with pride every time I see him.
There’s been two weddings since you passed, and an engagement, and another great-grandson due next week! Life goes on, but you will always be a treasured part of this family. Seven of your sister, Nina’s kids came from as far as Texas and Wisconsin, to honor you. Oh, the memories we shared! Our large Italian families remain bonded through the years and miles. Your mom may have been prone to holding grudges, but her two children made people who care about and look out for one another. It’s so unusual these days and we really lucked out learning from you how to be a family.
If I could call you today, I would I tell you about the most amazing part of the day. You would probably say, “Yes, I know, I saw it too!”
After all of the delicious pasta, ping pong competitions in the garage and Italian pastries, your grandchildren gathered in a group on the lawn. Some on folding chairs and some sprawled on the grass. I was sitting a bit apart, I must admit feeling old but content, and I noticed an air of quiet enjoyment. No one was on their phone and no music was blaring. Everyone was taking turns playing with the baby, making him laugh, and being entirely present with one another. You could feel their love in the soft hum of conversation and laughter. It felt like I had walked into an idyllic, impressionist painting.
As I watched them, each being their unique selves and so kind with one another, I had this comforting sense that the future would be safe in their hands. And just as I was reflecting how much they shared your own gentle, loving nature, I noticed some movement in the bushes beyond them. A fawn popped its head up, looked at the group on the grass, and popped back down out of view. It repeated this several times as if it was spying on them. Then it tiptoed out into the open area and stood watching for several minutes, turning its head from side to side to look at each of them. There was no fear in its stance as it stood for some minutes quietly observing. Then, as quietly as it had appeared, it slowly turned and walked away.
Would I be being too imaginative to think you were not in that box of ashes, but in that gentle deer, just checking in on us, and then, reassured that we would be okay, that you had served us well by your own example of how someone can change and grow, seeing that each of us carried a part of you in our hearts, you moved on to whatever comes after this.
Love always,
Jeeni
